Mar 15
Does your family keep secrets?
R asked:
My mother is really bad about keeping scereats “for our own good” The first time i knew of was when i was in college my uncle died and his funeral was during my final exams. We could not afford for me to come home and my ticket to come home was already set for the week later. She did not tell me he died tell i got home. Then i recently found out that my grand father is not my grandfather. He was her father for all intsens and purposes since she was born but not biologically. This is just the top two in a long list of things that she keeps from my brother and I for our own good.
Let me just add that i am not mad at my mother and she seems to be better about it . We had a talk after she had lump in her ****** and said nothing until she found out it was not cancer. She recently founr pre cancerous cells in her uterus and told me right away. I just wonder if it is the norm
My mother is really bad about keeping scereats “for our own good” The first time i knew of was when i was in college my uncle died and his funeral was during my final exams. We could not afford for me to come home and my ticket to come home was already set for the week later. She did not tell me he died tell i got home. Then i recently found out that my grand father is not my grandfather. He was her father for all intsens and purposes since she was born but not biologically. This is just the top two in a long list of things that she keeps from my brother and I for our own good.
Let me just add that i am not mad at my mother and she seems to be better about it . We had a talk after she had lump in her ****** and said nothing until she found out it was not cancer. She recently founr pre cancerous cells in her uterus and told me right away. I just wonder if it is the norm
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14 Responses to “Does your family keep secrets?”
For your own good? You are grown! She shouldn’t have to baby you still.
wow! that is messed up. I’m pretty sure that was for your own good but once you were like 18 she should have told you.
All families have skeletons in the closet its normal
I dont understand families that keep secrets from eachother. I am in a very close nit family. i could understand if you were very young and would not understand the situation. But you are in college and should not be treated as a child but as an adult and be respected and know that you are perfectly capable of understanding situations and coping with anything that comes your way. Your family needs to understand that their children grow up and dont always need to be sheltered from reality.
No - we are quite an open Family and say things straight out (which is not always for the best either!).
However I understand how annoyed you might be but try to see it from your Mother’s point of view - I expect that she really thinks that she is doing it for the best - and we are all different.
Please don’t get angry - try to be forgiving at this time of the year - I doubt if you’ll change her now just as nobody will be able to change me - and I’m not a perfect Mother I can tell you! - but I did/do my *best* as I saw/see it.
Best wishes,
Joan.
Yes….I once found a letter addressed to my parents (they left it lying around, I wasn’t nosing about) from my Grandad congratulating them on my birth…..only catch was that it had been sent while he was in prison (I hadn’t know about this). One day, my little brother asked, “Mum, does our family have secrets?” She said, “No, of course not!” to which I replied, “Yes, it does actually”. She took me into the kitchen and I said, “Why was Grandad in prison when I was born?” and she said was all surprised and everything and said they though it wasn’t very important so they hadn’t told me
Rite? sumtimes its bettter that u didnt know..but sometimes..if they have no problems telling u other stuff that you would never care about . in general.. t
then how come they couldnt tell you something like that.. that has to do w/ family..
messed up.. i guess its how you take it..
Omg that’s terrible No my family hasn’t got secrets like that although we’ve got many skeltons in the closet we all know about them just don’t tell others.
Yes, most if not all families have the proverbial skeletons in the closet. I’m sorry to hear about your uncle passing away. That is very harsh and you must have been very close to him.
You are finding out about your family’s secrets…. maybe it’s a little late, but some families have a hard time admitting the truth about adoption, divorce, infidelities, abuse, etc. Plus your mom was raised in a generation where it was not polite to “air your dirty laundry”. Plus bringing up the subject could have been awkward for her, so she never brought it up.
Sometimes I think people give TMI today. Not all needs to be known, there’s a place and time for everything and reliving certain incidents can be very, very painful for people - even if a lot of time goes by. Plus with sharing information, there are always questions that will be asked. Or sometimes it doesn’t matter : your mom loved her father and perhaps he asked her not to share the non-biological information with her children. Or she found it disrespectful to him to tell you he wasn’t your “real” grandfather. I’m sure your mother had her reasons. Forgive her and try to open the communication lines for in the future.
for your own good? what good was dat supposed to do?
parents often do this as it has different reasons.
Some times our past is somthing that we want
to keep unspoken.The problen is that once the
lies come out.,the truth must be known.BUT i know that you are hurt bad,but haven’t you and
your brother turned out kinda good.?
IF you spend your life hating you mother for not
sharing her personal past life.Who will hate
you when you tell lies to protect your children?
My in laws are bad about that kinda stuff. They waited 3 or 4 months before telling people that my sister-in-law was knocked up and there is no telling who they havn’t told about my bro-in-law being under house arrest for dui’s.
Not all families keep secrets- i was brought up in a family where truth and honesty were always considered the best thing- this avoids pain and mistrust later in life. I do now know families and people who keep secrets and they use the excuse that its to save other people getting hurt- but it usually comes down to shame of doing something that they know will bring some kind of pain or retribution on themselves. I think this is cowardly- but its just my opinion.Tell your mum that you love her but it hurts when she keeps things from you and you would appreciate honesty and openess- otherwise it just builds mistrust- you will forever wonder what else is being hidden. Its a horrible feeling.
All families keep secrets. And most of them are none of the children’s business. What difference does it make if it was your dio-granddad or not, he loved you just them same. As for an Uncle dying during finals, she made the best decision at the time that she thought she could. Wait until you have some life events that you don’t want known, or is your entire life an open book now.