Jun 14
How do you deal with a mother who doesn’t care about you?
kttlwistl asked:
I live 3500 miles away from home and it is for many reasons but the one that stands out is I cannot stand my mother. Now I know that she gave me life and I should respect her and all that jazz. But how do you respect someone who gave you life and couldn’t give 2 craps if you lived it greatly or in the gutter. Christmas 2007 she comes to visit for the holidays claiming it was to see her grand kids, (my 2 daughters), and it was all about spending time with them. At the time I was helping my brother out by letting him stay here so he could try and get on his feet. When she got here it was straight to my brothers room and not a sound out of her all night. She didn’t even have the decency to say hi to my wife and kids. She brought 2 big suitcases with her and I offered to put them away in my huge walk-in closet during her stay and she wouldn’t hear of it. She insisted on putting them in my brothers closet that was already full of my brothers stuff. She refused to eat christmas dinner with us saying that the ham we got was spoiled because it had been in the fridge, (it was a precooked ham). and then when we were opening presents for the girls not one gift from her for anyone. She didn’t even take out her camera and take pictures of us opening gifts or anything. But she took pictures of all kinds of scenery when she was out with my brother and his friends. This has been going on my whole life and it has never been changed. I decided that it was the final straw and cut all ties with my mother. She was not going to do to my girls what she had done to me all her life. Since making that decision she has gotten a hold of a picture of my father I left at someones house when I lived back in my hometown without my knowledge, (my father is deceased). And she refuses to give it back. She doesn’t want anything for it she just doesn’t want to give it to me even though it is rightfully mine. Once again I am stuck dealing with this crap from her. It is the only picture of my father I have and I am not willing to let it go. What should I do?
Ken; Thank you for the Kind words and the extension of kindess through Jesus. You are right in everything you say about believing in Him. I am a man of Faith and He has carried me through this rough time in my life. But I was concerned on how to get my picture of my father back more than I was concerned about healing. I know I will never have a relationship with my mother and I have accepted that. But for her to take what is mine is crossing the line in my eyes.
General: I cannot get the picture back through my brother because he feels that I have turned my back on my mother, (he did not feel this way until moving back into her house…hhhmmm). So that option is out.
I live 3500 miles away from home and it is for many reasons but the one that stands out is I cannot stand my mother. Now I know that she gave me life and I should respect her and all that jazz. But how do you respect someone who gave you life and couldn’t give 2 craps if you lived it greatly or in the gutter. Christmas 2007 she comes to visit for the holidays claiming it was to see her grand kids, (my 2 daughters), and it was all about spending time with them. At the time I was helping my brother out by letting him stay here so he could try and get on his feet. When she got here it was straight to my brothers room and not a sound out of her all night. She didn’t even have the decency to say hi to my wife and kids. She brought 2 big suitcases with her and I offered to put them away in my huge walk-in closet during her stay and she wouldn’t hear of it. She insisted on putting them in my brothers closet that was already full of my brothers stuff. She refused to eat christmas dinner with us saying that the ham we got was spoiled because it had been in the fridge, (it was a precooked ham). and then when we were opening presents for the girls not one gift from her for anyone. She didn’t even take out her camera and take pictures of us opening gifts or anything. But she took pictures of all kinds of scenery when she was out with my brother and his friends. This has been going on my whole life and it has never been changed. I decided that it was the final straw and cut all ties with my mother. She was not going to do to my girls what she had done to me all her life. Since making that decision she has gotten a hold of a picture of my father I left at someones house when I lived back in my hometown without my knowledge, (my father is deceased). And she refuses to give it back. She doesn’t want anything for it she just doesn’t want to give it to me even though it is rightfully mine. Once again I am stuck dealing with this crap from her. It is the only picture of my father I have and I am not willing to let it go. What should I do?
Ken; Thank you for the Kind words and the extension of kindess through Jesus. You are right in everything you say about believing in Him. I am a man of Faith and He has carried me through this rough time in my life. But I was concerned on how to get my picture of my father back more than I was concerned about healing. I know I will never have a relationship with my mother and I have accepted that. But for her to take what is mine is crossing the line in my eyes.
General: I cannot get the picture back through my brother because he feels that I have turned my back on my mother, (he did not feel this way until moving back into her house…hhhmmm). So that option is out.
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4 Responses to “How do you deal with a mother who doesn’t care about you?”
u get these rare, sick people.
u have to just make sure she doesnt get ANYWHERE near u and ur family.
urgh! i feel irritated even thinking about her. she’s one of those petty, mean characters u only read about normally.
im so glad u dint end up anything like her and that she dint drive u nuts!!!
remember that she’s the screwed up person. u could feel bad for people like her. b****
your situation sounds tough, and i feel terrible for you. but the only thing i can think of that you can do to get the picture back is that if you are on good terms with your brother, could you not ask him to help you get your photograph back?
im sorry if this did not help, but i dont know what else you could do…
good luck with getting back the photo
My friend, please realize you are not alone in this. Yes we are conditioned to think that no mother would ever abandon her children but this is simply not true. The vast majority of neglect is by mothers but I am not responding to point that out as much as I am to help you!
I do not doubt that you have feelings of rejection because the person you think should care the most has essentially rejected you. I do have news for many people….mothers do not always automatically love their children. The apostle Paul told mature women in Titus chapter 2 that they needed to teach the younger women to love their husbands AND to love their children. If it were automatic, they would not need to be taught
I am glad that you realize you need to respect..or honor your mother regardless but I have talked to far too many men and women who have been rejected by their mothers and often, by both parents.
How do we deal with these issues? As a pastor, I have found the best way is to realize there is one who will never ever reject you if you go to Him and acknowledge your need for Him. His name is Jesus Once we realize that HE has accepted us, we can deal with the lack of acceptance by others. Please contact me if I can help you learn more about this.
This is really a difficult situation and is fuelled by a disconcerting Mother..who came to your house during the holidays and was ruthless and stole from you. WOW…(shaking my head)…you are the wise one here as i read..you don’t want to put your little girls through her hatered that is the best thing you can do as a Father and sweetheart that also means that you do not talk badly about your mom in front of your children…although you may **** your mom for good reason…i would not let on with the girls…you will have to move to a different place and time in your heart and it may never heal that hurt…but you have to know…and resolve your mom came to your house during the holidays and USED YOU TO SEE YOUR BROTHER…i personally feel she has no connection with you and so she may feel no need to invest in your children…which is sad and heartbreaking at the same time. You can not change your Mom…but I personally would never ever invite her back into my house…i would never send her a photo of my children and i’d would never call her. I would bet she never makes the effort to call you and talk to her grandchildren…so you might be free and clear there…but if she does call..it would be general on a wouldn’t put a lot into it….ok now your brother..if he needs to see your mom he can go to her…visit her…in her house…i think when the time is right you to need to talk about how you feel about Mom and then that is it…basic message you’re hurt…your own mother hurt you…;and to resolve you have to distances yourself…move pass the pain and not allow the same thing to happen to your children…and for these reasons…Mom will never be welcomed in my house i would appreciate you going to see her in the future…also brother dear…since mother loves you more could you please get me the favorite and only photo of our Dad which she stole from my house while she was here….which is another reason she is not welcomed in my house…i can’t trust that she won’t steal and she teaches children it is ok….so she is also a bad role model….i’d shake your brother’s hand give him a hug and tell him you love him for understanding…and you want to move forward beyond the hurt and pain your mother has caused during the holidays…now the tough part working on you and healing you…resolving and moving on without hatred and without a lot of verbage to your family or wife about the topic…ok good luck…i have dealt with the same situation in the past and it was so difficult…but for me my resolve was my children just deserved more and better…in regards to having loving, giving people in their lives.